The time when missionaries were talking to me about God and my son flashed them

About a week after Luke was born (note: that was over 2.5 years ago), the doorbell rang while I was trying to balance my new life with a toddler and a newborn.  It was chaotic.  So, I answer the door and these two little, old ladies were standing there smiling at me.  They asked if I had a minute to talk about Christ.  Now, we go to church and are Christians so I didn’t feel like I needed to have a conversation with them on the topic.  But, I am absolutely horrible at saying no to people.  It’s my Achilles heel – I literally can’t tell people no.  So, these sweet ladies were asking me if they could talk to me about Christ and in the midst of the chaos I said ‘yes’.  Biggest mistake ever.

The ladies spent about 20 minutes talking to me.   My house was melting down around me – the baby was waking up and Anna was running around like a crazy person.  They prayed over me and then went on their way.  Before they left, they asked if it would be okay for them to stop by again. Again (because I have no self control) I said, yes.  Dammit, Lisa.  Dammit.

I decided that since I couldn’t say no to these ladies, I would just avoid them.  And my plan worked like a charm for 2.5 years.  I skillfully avoided them.  I would hide in the house and keep the kids quiet when they rang the bell.  Once Alex answered when he was home alone.  They prayed over him and read him scriptures.  Another time my sister-in-law was here watching the kids and the ladies showed up.  She was prayed over too.  Another time Alex answered the door and I hid behind a wall in our living room so they couldn’t see me.  He wasn’t happy that I hung him out to dry with ‘my friends’.  Alex eventually got over it.  My avoidance was legendary.  Legend-ary.

Fast forward to this week.  I was upstairs trying to get our family packed for our beach vacation.  The kids were running around the house destroying everything they touched and screaming so loud that they set off our doorbell (it’s frequency activated and setting it off is one of their favorite things to do).  Luke was launching himself off the coffee table onto the couch and then rolling off the couch onto a pile of cushions.  The dogs were running around chewing on crap and getting into the messes that the kids were making.  Anna was wearing a princess dress and toddler hooker heals.  Luke was rocking a PJ shirt, underwear, and goggles.  All-in-all, it was a typical weekday.

The actual doorbell rings (non-screaming induced) and I hear the dogs barking.  I yell for Anna to not open the door because I don’t know who it is and I don’t want any creepers creeping on us.  Creepers.  She runs into the kitchen.  By the time I get downstairs, Luke is standing next to the door and looking out through the sidelights.  I yell for the dogs to go outside because they like to welcome visitors by jumping into their arms.  It’s cute, unless you are an 90 pound golden retriever and a 10 pound shih tzu that pees a little when she meets new people.  I get the dogs outside and head back to the front door.  I open it and find my two old lady missionary friends staring at me.  Mother trucker, there goes my run.  They were so excited to finally connect with me.  Afterall, they’ve been stopping by every 2-3 months for 2.5 years.  They are persistent, I’ll give them that.

Luke’s standing next to me as the ladies read through their pamphlet with me.  They then open their bible and read some verses.  The whole time, Luke is standing next to me talking to the ladies.  After that they close in prayer and pray over myself and Luke.  The little old ladies then proceed to make small talk with me and Luke until they decide to head back to their car.  I close the door and look down at Luke and see the head of his Johnson looking at me.  It was sticking out of his underwear.  For those of you that aren’t familiar with how boy undies work, there’s a slit in them where they can access their goods to go potty (because, you know, pulling them down is just WAY too much work).  Well, Luke likes to use that slit to poke his penis out for full access.  Read: open season for groping, pulling, and touching his pee pee on things.   So, while these old ladies were discussing God with us Luke was standing there in a shirt, goggles, and undies with just the head of his wee wee hanging out like a turtle poking his head out of the shell.  No wonder they prayed extra hard for us.  I’d like to think that this might reduce the number of visits they make, but a part of me believes they think I need extra help.  Lord help us all when they show up on my doorstep next week.

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Soak it up, ladies!

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