An Exorcism in Our Minivan

We were driving out-of-town, down a divided highway, to visit Alex’s mom for the weekend with Alex behind the wheel.  I realized that Alex was driving a bit erratically – weaving in and out of traffic, stopping suddenly, and gunning it.  I asked him why he was driving like a madman, and then asked him to stop.  I looked back to check on the kids at the exact same time that Luke started projectile vomiting all over himself, his car seat, and the mini van.  I swear I saw his head spin completely around.  I told Alex to pull over … NOW.  Flustered, he pulled over on the shoulder of the highway.  I told him to keep going until he found somewhere safer.  He went about half a mile up while Luke continued to puke everywhere.  A street came up on the right to turn in.  I told Alex to stop the car. What we didn’t realize was that we were actually pulling into the entrance of a waste management facility.  We didn’t care.  The van reeked of vomit.  Anna was gagging and screaming that Luke was choking (she says that someone is choking when they are vomiting).  Luke was crying.

Alex stopped the car and we both sprung into action.  I opened the back hatch while Alex unhooked Luke and brought him back to me.  I grabbed a bag of wipes and tried to figure out where to start.  He was caked in vomit.  I just kept repeating, ‘oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh’.  I took Luke’s hearing aids out and took his shirt over his head, smearing puke all over his face and hair.  Alex said he looked back and saw strings of puke hanging from Luke’s face.  We were both gagging. While Alex attempted to mop up the puddles of puke from the car seat, I stripped Luke down and gave him a ‘bath’ with baby wipes.  I changed his diaper and decided to put him in the front seat (wearing only a diaper) until Alex was done cleaning his chair.  As I went to the passenger side to open the door, I noticed about 48 mosquitos sitting on the side of the car.  Apparently, we parked in the middle of a swarm of them.  I immediately backtracked.  Luke was only in a diaper – it would have been a skin buffet for those little blood suckers. I swung around to the other side and stashed Luke in the driver’s seat.

Nothing to see here – just up to our elbows in puke and mosquitos at a waste management plant.

Hey Mom, what the hell is going on?

Apparently, mosquitos are smarter than I gave them credit for.  As we were cleaning everything up so we could attempt to get back on the road, those little bastards were making their way to the inside of the van. By the time we were hitting the road with Luke back in his seat, there were about 27 mosquitos that had taken up residence inside our van.  We spent the next 90 miles swatting mosquitos and trying to ignore the lingering puke smell.  I made it my personal mission to murder any mosquito that came anywhere within arms length of me.  My efforts inspired Alex to start singing ‘Danger Zone’.  Luke slept through it all.  Apparently being exorcised is an exhausting experience.

The Power of Christ compels you!

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