Gail – Go take a long walk off a short pier

Isn’t it hilarious when you make plans and arrangements for something and before you have a chance to execute those plans something happens and the original plans are thrown out the window?  It’s freaking hysterical.  Really.

Do you remember that I said that Stinky Gail the Gallbladder would be making an exit via planned surgery on February 8th?  Well, Gail had to go all diva on me and change things up.  It all started this past Friday.  I woke up feeling horrible.  Like ‘I think I might have the flu’ horrible.  I spent the next three days in the bathroom pooping (well, besides the time I was driving home from Nashville – sickness always happens when you are out of town).  I threw up a couple times too.  I mean, why not – right?  I had a horrible time eating or drinking anything because it made me pretty sick.  Plus, I was burping like a trucker the entire time.  Big, stinky burps.  I’ll spare you all the details.  When I woke up on Sunday and threw up from drinking water, I figured that I should head back to the ER.

The ER took FOREVER.  I mean, is it written in their rules that everything must take at least 6 hours?  The worst part was that my little room didn’t have a TV.  So, Alex and I were caged in a 6×8 cell for about 8 hours.  I mean, what are you supposed to do with your husband for that amount of time?  (Minds out of the gutter – I was pooping without evening knowing it, NONE of THAT was going on…)  My mother-in-law drove up to take care of Anna.  Thank God.  That would have been a special kind of hell to deal with an almost 12-month-old who’s very mobile and sticks EVERYTHING in her mouth.  There are some floors that will never be clean, no matter how much bleach is used.

The ER doctor decided to start an IV to try and get me hydrated.  She told me that they wanted to give me some anti-nausea medicine and some morphine.  I didn’t ask questions – I just gave them my biggest vein… It was a party in my world for a while!  I was high as a freaking kite.  Eventually we found out that the blood work was normal, but my ultrasound showed signs of inflammation and infection.  It had gotten worse from last week when I was there, so the decision was made to admit me.  I was given antibiotics in the ER while we waited. And waited. And waited some more.  I guess a surgeon was supposed to come and talk to me about when they were going to take Gail out, but then there was an opening in the OR.  I was wheeled up there and taken back pretty quickly.  I asked Alex to take a picture of me in the wonderful cap that I had to wear, but the picture didn’t save.  The nurses thought I was crazy.  I explained that I’m a blogger and that my readers NEED to see it (The Unglamorous Mommy was especially unglamorous at that particualr moment).  They thought I was even crazier.

I slightly remember being wheeled back to the OR and getting on the table.  The next thing I recall was waking up and hearing Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance”.  I thought I had died and gone to hell.  In my hell, Lady Gaga would be playing.  Turns out the recovery room people just like crappy music.  I was eventually taken to my room.  They wanted to keep me overnight.  Crossing my fingers that it doesn’t turn into a multiple day stay.  I miss my baby!

So, I’m writing this post from my hospital bed in a haze of pain medicine (please excuse my typos and poor grammar).  It’s not nearly as cool as it sounds.  Trust me.  But, I knew that I had to post today, otherwise my faithful readers would become concerned.  I didn’t want you to think I was out being all glamorous and cheating on you.  Plus, I just want the rep of being a badass blogger who ‘posts through the pain’…. Is it working???

Gail – you officially suck.



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