It’s official … this isn’t easy.

I’m just going to start this post by saying mistakes are human, but none-the-less they don’t make you feel like the mother of the year.  So, let me back track a bit.  We switched to formula on Friday.  The formula we are using is the what we were using to fortify the breastmilk.  I go to make the first formula bottle and I read the instructions about 8 times.  For 3 ounces of formula you are supposed to add 3 ounces of water and 1.5 scoops of powder.  Pretty straightforward … right??  I make the bottle and start to feed Anna at 8pm on Saturday.  She takes about an ounce and starts to get really fussy.  She proceeded to spit up 4 different times.  There was spit up all over me, Alex, and the floor.  We couldn’t figure it out.  Turns out that the scoop in the can was one that the hospital put in there.  I basically put in four times the amount of powder that should have gone in there.  Ugh.  Mistakes are human … right??  Still doesn’t make me feel any less crappy about it.

Anna ate alright at the 11pm feeding but was still acting fussy.  We were basically up all night because every time we would lay her on her back she would start to scream.  She would draw her legs into her tummy and scream like a banshee.  Things got a little better in the morning, but she would still act miserable at times during her feedings.  So, I’m thinking the formula is giving her some gas issues.  It’s heartbreaking to watch her be so miserable.

Is this what makes parenting so hard?  Alex and I are a little lost as to what to do.  The formula Anna is on is to help her gain weight, but she’s in pain.  It dawned on us that she wasn’t this gassy with the fortified breastmilk.  I immediately regretted that I stopped pumping.  I felt like I stopped for selfish reasons.  I had some pains and I was tired from pumping.  Now I’m thinking it’s what Anna needs.  I instantly handed Anna to Alex and went to the bedroom to pump and have a little cry.  I haven’t pumped since early Friday morning.  What if my milk supply won’t come back up?  What if I’ve completely ended my chance of giving my little girl what she probably needs?  I’m just a little confused and a lot guilty.

Anybody have a user’s manual for babies??

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